


The Stuffed Frog Prince

by Trista_zevkia



Category: Jeeves & Wooster, Jeeves - P. G. Wodehouse
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Fairy Tale Retellings, M/M, fractured fairy tales
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-05
Updated: 2012-04-05
Packaged: 2017-11-03 02:08:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/375921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trista_zevkia/pseuds/Trista_zevkia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Prince finds a frog, and a whole lot more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Stuffed Frog Prince

The Stuffed Frog Prince

The news shocked the kingdom, but sent one small boy running to his favorite spot. In the midst of the manicured castle grounds was a small patch of wild woods, with a pond in the center. Around this pond, a small family had picnicked and played. Now the young boy sat at the edge of the pond and cried. The creatures of the area were silent in response to his grief, but didn’t flee until his sobbing reached a strangled, screaming noise. A dark green frog, with patches of black about him, actually hopped closer. The young boy didn’t notice until the frog gave a gentle croak. It was enough of a distraction to stop the anguished noises, but not the tears as the young boy turned to the frog. 

“Sorry froggy, hope I didn’t scare you. They’re dead, and it’s my fault. I said something stupid and they went away and my aunts said they weren’t coming back, which means I killed them and I’m evil…” The young boy was getting even more upset until the frog interrupted with a large croak. It hopped up onto the boy’s leg and gave a softer, almost sympathetic croak. The boy was so startled by this, he forgot to cry for a little while. Many of the family picnics had ended when the boy had started to chase after the frogs, and now one was close enough to stroke. With a trembling hand, he did just that, stroking the frog even as he talked. 

“My parents froggy, they asked me if it was right to not do what they promised when they knew it could hurt them. I said they had to or it wouldn’t be hon, honourab, right! It wouldn’t be right to not do what they need to do. So they went somewhere and the messenger just came and told us they were both dead! My fault they went, so what’s the point in doing what’s right, froggy?” 

The frog gave several ribbits of reply and the boy almost smiled. “Thank you for trying to help froggy.” 

“Bertie!” The shout caused the small boy to startle and the frog flew off into the pond with a splash. The boy’s older sister was stomping toward him with a frown on her face. She was trying to be an adult in her commanding tone and body posture, but her eyes were red from crying. “The entire castle is looking for you and you’re out here getting mud on your pants!” 

“I was talking to froggy!” Bertie wanted to cry, but not in front of his sister. She gave a haughty sniff as she reached down to take his hand and pull him to his feet. 

“You’re five and the crown prince of Yaxley. You can’t possibly be stupid enough to think frogs can talk! Now grow up, we have responsibilities.” With her hand grasped around his, she practically dragged him out of the woods. He knew it was stupid, as she had just told him, but he couldn’t help glancing back to for the frog. A small croak almost seemed a whispered goodbye. 

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Things changed for Bertie, more so than the normal pains of growing up. Crown prince or not, he was only five and unable to do more than watch as his Aunt and Uncle took over. His father’s sister, Agatha, had her husband giving in to her every whim. She wasn’t particularly cruel, just self-centered and spoiled. Allowing her to reign in Bertie’s stead was like adding oil to a fire, and she was clearly planning for the future. Every aspect of Bertie’s life was under her direct control as she worked to get him as bent to her will as everybody else. If her wishes were his main objectives, what would it matter if he wore the crown? 

In her efforts to grow up, Bertie’s sister was learning to be just like their Aunt Agatha. Veronica had done one good thing for her brother, in that she never told anyone where she had found him the night the news was announced. She was holding onto that information until it could prove valuable to her, but for now she was the only one who could find Bertie when he disappeared. An occasional disappearance had been expected when he was morning the loss of his parents, but soon it was a daily occurrence. If he missed the bells announcing supper or pages sent to get him for his Aunt or tutors, Veronica would be sent to get him. She’d drag him back and be rewarded for being a good girl, while Bertie would be scolded for running off. 

Regent Agatha soon became insistent that Bertie was hiding because he was too stupid to understand what was going on around him. At these words, Bertie would let his mind drift back to that pond and the strange frog there. Froggy would allow Bertie to stroke him, but only climbed on Bertie’s lap if the frog was dry. Almost as if the frog was worried about Bertie’s clothes getting wet. Froggy listened, and Bertie knew that with every fiber of his being. People said otherwise, so Bertie learned not to talk about Froggy too much. Froggy understood and would have offered advice if he could, so Bertie went to talk to him every chance he got. 

The occasion of Bertie’s sixth birthday was not marked by public celebrations or fancy parties. Instead his Aunt told him it was time to put his nose to the grindstone of his studies and prepare himself to take over his kingdom. Veronica was only two years older and still believed in the magic of a birthday, so she felt sorry for him on this day. After looking through her toys, she found one that didn’t matter to her and wrapped it in a silk handkerchief. Still, he was only her snot nosed little brother, so she thrust it into his hands as she walked past. When she looked back, Bertie was gone and Veronica believed it was to play with his gift. Proud of herself, she went to her piano lessons. Bertie ran to his spot and tossed the golden ball into the pond before collapsing to the ground to cry. 

The familiar croak of Froggy had Bertie sliding a hand out to stroke his friend’s soft skin. Instead he found the cold of the golden ball. Startled, Bertie looked and saw the golden ball was as wet as Froggy next to it. For a split second Bertie was amazed at what Froggy had done, until the anger caught up to him. 

“I threw that stupid thing away for a reason! It’s my birthday and everybody wishes I was dead, the stupid, bad boy who killed his parents! Ronnie’s the only one who gave me anything and it came out of her stuff that she doesn’t like anymore, and what am I supposed to do with a metal ball? I can’t kick it or throw it or catch it. I need to do what they want and be a man, stop talking to a frog for a start!” 

The glare he had on his face was at odds with the tears in his eyes, both working to hide how glad he was that Froggy hadn’t hopped away already. The frog’s lips opened and Bertie waited for that familiar, soothing croak. What he heard instead had him jumping to his feet and spinning around the clearing. It was the third ‘sir’ that had him kneeling in front of the frog with wide eyes. 

“Did you just say ‘sir’?” 

“Yes, Sir.” 

“Holy cats! How can you talk?” 

“Practice, Sir.” 

Bertie giggled, though whether at the bad joke or the idea of a frog talking even he couldn’t have said. “Why didn’t you talk before?” 

“Had to learn how, practice when you were busy elsewhere. These lips were not meant for these sounds.” 

“That’s amazing Froggy!” 

“Thank you, Sir. My name is Reginald.” 

Now Bertie laughed, almost the laugh he had used a year ago, before his world was ripped from him. “Sir Reginald the frog! Can I call you Reggie?” 

The frog blinked at him before answering, but Bertie only smiled at him. “If you wish, Sir.” 

“Why did you talk to me tonight?” 

“I saw how distressed you were, and wanted to offer my assistance.” 

“What does disdressed mean?” 

“Distressed is sad, Sir. I wanted to help you when I saw how sad you were.” 

“I wasn’t sad, I was mad!” 

“The anger was a defense mechanism.” Reggie went on before the confused look could cover Bertie’s young face. “You got mad to protect yourself from getting sadder, Sir.” 

“Oh! I think I was mad, but I’ve always known you were a smart frog.” 

“You have mentioned that, Sir.” 

“Well, learning I was right cheered me up! I can’t wait to see everybody else’s face when I prove how smart you are to them!” 

“Sir, it would be better if you didn’t tell them.” 

“But, well, I mean, why not?” 

“If they know about me, they will take me away from you. I’m an anomaly, sorry Sir. I’m strange and unknown. What people don’t know, they fear. I would never harm you or anyone, but they won’t believe that of me.” 

“I believe you!” 

“I know, that’s why I took the risk of talking to you, Sir.” 

“Come with me to my room! You can live in my bathtub so I don’t get so cold when I talk to you during the winter.” 

“Sir, I will admit I do not enjoy the increasingly cold temperatures but I am not sure if it would be proper for me to live in your bathtub.” 

“Ronnie’s got a dog and two birds, so surely I can have a pet frog! I’ll beg and scream like a baby until Aunt A gives in if I have to.” With a very adult expression and a firm nod, Bertie scooped Reggie into his hands and stood. As he started walking back to the castle, Bertie talked happily to the large frog. 

Reggie squeezed as much of himself as he could into the warmth of those small hands, but listened attentively to Bertie’s words. At Reggie’s suggestion, Bertie had the servants fetch a large basin of water and some pillows for Reggie to use. By not asking permission, it would be months before Regent Agatha even learned of the frog’s existence, though she was no happier when she did find out. 

Agatha became quite agitated when she overheard servants talking about how Bertie’s laughter had returned since he found the frog. She stormed into Bertie’s room and found the pillows and bowls, but no frog. Unreasonably annoyed by the idea of the frog, Agatha decided to have her servants get rid of the slimy thing. Whenever Agatha sent servants in to remove the frog while Bertie wasn’t there, the frog couldn’t be found. Bertie did his best to avoid questions about his frog, even if it meant angering his aunt over something else to distract her. Unable to prove the existence of the frog, Regent Agatha decided it was a figment of Bertie’s imagination. 

She graciously decided to let Bertie have his imaginary friend, simply because she didn’t know how to get rid of him. Time would do that for her, but time was turning against her agenda of control. Agatha dismissed the notion whenever it came to her, but she felt like the imaginary frog was shoring up Bertie’s backbone. She’d tell Bertie to do something, but now he would question her about why. His vocabulary was simplistic but he said things in strange ways that almost made sense. Veronica often caught herself laughing at the things Bertie said, which made him try to make her laugh. 

Agatha sent Veronica to a school for ladies and gave her pets to Bertie. She figured this would bring Veronica back into her control and the live pets would push the imaginary frog out of Bertie’s feeble mind. Six weeks later, Agatha watched as Veronica and Bertie hugged in reunion, wondering how these two children had managed to get their way. Fury engulfed Agatha when she saw Bertie pull a large green frog with black splotches out of his pocket. Veronica laughed and kissed the frog before dragging Bertie upstairs to return her dog. 

That night, after Bertie was put to bed by the servants, Agatha visited his chambers. Bertie was sound asleep when Agatha entered, but the candelabra she brought showed her what she was looking for. The frog was living like a king in a corner of Bertie’s room, positioned so he could see anyone entering. A dish of lettuce and vegetables, several plump pillows and a large basin of clear water marked the abode of the frog. 

Careless Bertie had also left several large books over there; covers open as if he thought the frog would read them while Bertie wasn’t in the room. The frog in question was looking up at Agatha from the basin of water, and Agatha had never felt so judged in her life. Chin held high, she walked over to the frog to get a good look. For some reason she couldn’t define, Agatha hissed down at the frog. 

“Our cook knows what to do with the likes of you, frog. I don’t know what Bertie sees in your ugly, slimy self, but if I have to break you to get to him, I will.” 

The frog tilted its head at her words and let out a soft, long croak that was almost a challenge. 

Agatha backed away, shaking her head. First she was threatening a frog, then she thought the frog was replying. Clearly she needed to do more to relax at the end of the day if she was doing such strange things. She’d get some sleep and decide what to do with Bertie tomorrow. And if the French chef she stole from her sister knew how to cook frog legs, maybe he knew how to catch them as well. 

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 

After years of trying, Agatha learned to ignore the existence of the frog and focused on Bertie. Her plans for him unraveled so often, she found herself having nightmares about armies of frogs working against her. Her latest plan would bring Bertie under control by an intermediary, who would also replace the frog in Bertie’s life. Bertie, the simple minded romantic, would surely forget about everything as he tried to make his wife happy. If that wife was a friend in Agatha’s war on frogs, who could be controlled by Agatha, so much the better for all concerned. 

Eighteen years after they met, a twenty-four year old Bertie bounded into his room, his worried look falling away as he saw Reggie. The source of Agatha’s ire was sitting on top of a stack of books as he read the book below his perch. Bertie saw nothing strange in a frog reading law texts while sitting on other books, the perching was just easier on the frog than trying to walk over the book while he was reading. Reggie looked up from his reading at Bertie’s entrance and eyed the ancient scrolls Bertie held. 

“Hullo! Anybody in here?” It was Bertie’s common call upon entering his room, as he was still so careful to keep Reggie’s abilities a secret. Should a servant reply, he’d not talk to Reggie until they left. 

“No Sir, we are alone.” 

“Excellent! I got those scrolls you wanted, all except the original proclamation. That’s under glass and they wouldn’t let me have it. I don’t think the librarian was afraid of Aunt A. so much as he was a. of me destroying the thing.” 

Reggie thought the librarian probably had the right of it, as Bertie tossed the priceless scrolls onto his bed while he spoke. Bertie’s only concern when sitting on the bed was making sure Reggie’s stack of books didn’t get knocked over. 

“Do you really think they’ll accept the original version of the law if it says what you think it does?” 

“The law states that the original must be followed if it is not specifically repealed by the subsequent laws. We must simply hope that the original ruling on succession does not demand you be married by your twenty-fifth birthday or forfeit the crown, Sir.” 

“I’d marry if the bezel’s Aunt A brought here weren’t beyond hideous! I know they’re princesses and of royal blood, but are all people of r.b. bucking to be Aunt Agatha’s?” 

“I suspect she is picking women whose goals will match her own, so that she does not have to give up the power she currently enjoys, Sir.” 

“Are you sure you wouldn’t rather find a law that says I can give the kit and caboodle to Ronnie?” 

“Sorry, Sir. Your parents were very forward thinking in allowing you both approval of your spouses and stipulating that Princess Veronica be educated. They may have set up these rules so that a future king, such as yourself, might make it acceptable for a Queen to rule, but at this time it is not allowed. Even your aunt is only able to act as regent because her husband is the titled ruler.” 

“I’ll admit I worried about Ronnie for a while, thinking she’d become Aunt A. But shortly after you got her out of that public school she turned into a nice person.” 

“You give me far too much credit, Sir. I merely gave you the idea for her extrication from that place. It was your laughter and kindness that gave her the impetus to be something other than your Aunt Agatha’s protégé.” 

“Without your bulging eyes and body made up entirely of brain, she’d still be in that school. So knock it off with the flattery Reggie, and help me find a way out of marrying Honoria of Glossopshire.” 

“I shall do my best, Sir. Perhaps you could read through the green book after spreading the scrolls out for me.” 

“Right ho, Reggie!” Bounding to his feet, Bertie spread out a scroll on either side of the book stack Reggie was resting on. Snuggling down on one of Reggie’s pillows next to his water basin, Bertie started picking his way through a tedious historical review of legal issues in his kingdom. It would have made so much more sense if Reggie could read it out loud in his musical voice, but they didn’t have the time for such a thing. His twenty-fifth birthday was only a month away, and he had to marry or step aside. 

A lot of the things Regent Agatha had done to his kingdom had bothered Bertie, and he’d confided this in Reggie. The frog had humbly offered that the best way to fix things would be to assume the throne. Bertie didn’t want that kind of responsibility, he just wanted to talk to Reggie and play music. He told Reggie most of that, but not the part about spending time with Reggie. 

The frog would have pointed out that a frog, even one that had lived for this long, was not a replacement for love, family and companionship. Bertie wanted love and companionship, but not if it meant giving up Reggie. Bertie missed his family, the sister who had moved away when she married five years ago. Aunt A didn’t feel like family, especially when she did things Bertie didn’t like. 

Bertie was afraid he’d have to marry Honoria and be miserable for the rest of his life just to do what was right for the people in his kingdom. Reggie had explained long ago that Bertie’s parents had been teaching him when they asked him what they should do in a similar situation. They had probably made their decision before they talked to him, hoping he’d understand why they had to go. They hadn’t expected to die and it wasn’t Bertie’s fault that they did. Reggie said that he knew who was to blame, but wouldn’t share this information with Bertie. 

Secretly, Bertie thought he’d never know love until he found a woman as impressive as the frog on his bed. As long as he had Reggie with him, Bertie knew he could do what he had to for his kingdom, even marry Honoria. Bertie was pulled from his thoughts by a knock on his door. He called for them to enter without thinking about it. A tall man in fancy clothes entered and started to speak. 

“Prince Bert…” The man’s eyes were roving about the room, mainly from Bertie on the floor to the frog on the book on the bed. After a few blinks, the man spoke again in a stuttering voice. “Are you Crown Prince Bertram of Yaxley?” 

“Yes indeedly!” Bertie replied with a friendly smile. This poor man clearly needed some cheering up. For whatever reason, he looked like he was about to faint. “What can I do for you, old top?” 

“Old am I! Impertinent and crazy!” 

“I’m not crazy, though I’m not sure if I’m impertawhatsit.” 

“If you’re not crazy, explain why you are sitting on the floor and have a frog on your bed!” 

“I like sitting here, and he likes sitting there.” 

“That’s insane! Frogs don’t care where they sit and kings don’t sit on the floor. I demand you get rid of that thing before you marry my daughter!” 

“Who’s that?” 

“Honoria, your bride to be!” 

“Oh her, so you’re Roderick then?” Bertie was making an effort to be friendly, unsure how to make a better impression on his potential father-in-law. 

“Yes, and I hate frogs!” Roderick was getting angrier every second Bertie sat in the floor. 

“Really? Frogs are wonderful creatures, very useful.” 

“Useful? Get rid of that thing right now or the wedding is off!” At Roderick’s command, Bertie jumped to his feet and let the book fall to the floor. He replied in a voice as commanding as Roderick’s had been. 

“I’m not giving up Reggie.” 

“You named a frog! Only crazy people name frogs or keep them in the same room. If I ever see you within a mile of my daughter it’ll mean war!” 

“So the wedding’s off?” 

“Insane imbecile!” With another look at the frog and a shudder, Roderick slammed the door behind him. Bertie stared at the door for a moment before spinning around in a triumphant manner. Picking up Reggie in his hands, Bertie started dancing around the large room. 

“No Honoria! Aunt A will find another, but scratching Honoria gives us a little bit more time to find a solution!” 

“Congratulations, Sir.” 

Bertie grinned at the frog head that poked out off his long fingered hands and wished he could give Reggie a proper, squeezing hug. It was a wish Bertie had made before, but in this rush of joy he tried something else. He placed a gentle kiss on the top of Reggie’s head and went back to dancing. Something was wrong with Bertie’s arms, as suddenly Reggie was so heavy Bertie couldn’t hold him. But before he could stop his turn, the weakness or weight shoved Bertie’s back onto his bed. The scrolls crunched under him but were forgotten as Bertie looked at the surprised man lying on top of him. 

Dark black hair hung down over dark blue eyes, both dark features over a strangely crooked nose. Bertie couldn’t help himself, he reach up and traced a finger down that nose. If felt real and brought the man out of his surprise. He looked down at himself and a tinge of red highlighted plump cheeks. 

“If you will excuse me for a minute, Sir.” 

The voice belonged to his beloved frog, but Bertie wasn’t sure what it was doing in the tall man who seemed to be having trouble walking toward the bathroom! Was the frog getting his human legs under him, like a sailor who’d been at sea so long he forgot how to walk on solid ground? The man threw out a hand to catch himself on the doorway and Bertie realized the hand had previously been covering up a rather nice looking bum. 

Bertie sat up and waited until the man emerged from the bathroom. He was now wearing Bertie’s fluffiest dressing gown, but it was much too small for him. His shoulders were broader than Bertie’s and pulled most of the top of the dressing gown open. It did cover the lower front of him, as his narrow hips didn’t pull on the material the way his shoulders did. Bertie wasn’t sure why he felt disappointed but he was distracted as the man began to speak in Reggie’s voice. 

“I must beg your forgiveness, Sir. I did not expect for this to happen, or else I would have warned you of the possibility.” 

“What exactly happened? Reggie?” Bertie was confirming in his own way that this was Reggie in front of him, suddenly human. 

“Yes Sir, I am Reginald and I must explain a few things to you.” Reggie stopped to clear his throat and put on an emotionless mask. “A year before we met at the pond, I encountered an enchantress. She found me arrogant and condescending, so she placed a spell on me. If you remember, I could not speak when I first became a frog, so I could not explain my situation to anybody. My sister attempted to take over after my disappearance. I know she would have done a wonderful job as Queen if she had time to learn what was required of her.” 

Reggie cleared his throat again, moving past the grief he didn’t want to show. “The neighboring kingdoms saw an opportunity and moved in to tear my kingdom apart. Your kingdom had signed a peace and trading treaty with ours decades ago, and came to aid us. They were too late and got caught in the crossfire. My kingdom was destroyed, my family killed and only your parents were honorable enough to try and assist us. I hid in the saddle bags of the messenger who brought you the news and came to your kingdom to repay that debt.” 

His face was as still and emotionless as the frog’s beak had been, but Bertie had long ago learned to hear and see the emotions in his flippered friend. Right now, Bertie saw pain, sorrow and guilt coming out of this strange version of his beloved companion. “Where you arrogant and condescending?” 

“Yes Sir, I was. I had no patience for those I considered less intelligent than myself.” 

“Do you still feel that way?” 

“No Sir, I have learned the lesson the enchantress was teaching. All people have good qualities and are worth the effort of finding those positive aspects.” 

“Destroying a kingdom through death and war seems a harsh teaching method.” 

“I do not believe the enchantress considered it a possibility. Even at my most arrogant, I thought my kingdom would survive without me. I only cared about making myself happy, until I was morning deaths with eyes that could not cry.” 

“Oh Reggie, I’m sorry!” 

“Sir, you have nothing to apologize for! The damage Regent Agatha has done to you, your sister and your kingdom is also my fault. I was the one who brought your parents into a war zone. You have often asked who was responsible and now I have no choice but to tell you. I did it, Sir. I ruined countless lives, including yours.” 

Bertie’s frown of sympathy changed into one of confusion. “Why did you come up to me, then, that night at the pond?” 

“I thought my assistance in your time of need was the only compensation I could provide, Sir.” 

“Compensation?” 

“I know nothing I can do will begin to make up for my mistakes, but I will serve you as long as you allow, Sir!” 

Bertie was ignoring the plea in Reggie’s words as he got up and turned away. Bertie flipped through the green book he had abandoned at Roderick’s words. He liked what he found there, for Bertie offered Reggie a cunning grin as he went over to pull a rope. Somewhere, a bell rang and a servant ran to see what his prince wanted. Popping in the door, the servant bowed, careful to not react to anything he might have seen in the room. 

“Please run get the royal tailor, we need some emergency clothing made.” 

Reggie waited until the servant closed the door behind him before he spoke. “Sir, may I know what you have in mind?” 

“No. Not just yet anyway.” Bertie put the book under his arm and stared at Reggie. He looked old enough to be a king, but he’d been a frog for a very long time. “So are you going to age now that the spell is broken?” 

Reggie had to think about his answer, even as he looked at his hands. He hadn’t stopped to look in the mirror when he borrowed Bertie’s dressing gown, so his hands would be the best way to judge his age. They were the same strong hands of a twenty-six year old man he had used almost nineteen years ago. Watching Bertie grow up had been exhilarating and Reggie had never thought of himself as forty-five before. 

Human once again, when he had given up on this so long ago, Reggie felt old and alone with nowhere to go. Looking up from his hands, Reggie considered Bertie had changed as well. Bertie was no longer a child, but a lanky, attractive man with a ready smile and kind nature. A man Reggie was now fully able to appreciate, especially when Bertie had that thoughtful look on his face like he did now. 

“I would assume so, Sir.” 

“Reggie, what broke the spell?” 

Reggie took a moment to clear his throat before replying. “A kiss from royalty, Sir.” 

“But Ronnie kissed you when she got back from that away school!” 

“True Sir, I had momentarily forgotten that.” Reggie paused for another throat clearing but was saved having to answer by a knock upon the door. 

“My liege, it is the tailor you requested!” The call came through the door and Bertie was grinning again as he replied. 

“Come on in Alfred!” The tailor entered and bowed to Bertie, who continued speaking to him. “This is Reggie, he’s a prince but he needs the clothes to prove it. He’ll need a wardrobe full of whatever he likes, but also a something regal to wear before the throne as soon as you can. See what you can do for him, I have to run do something!” 

With a cheery wave, Bertie left a busy tailor and a confused Reggie behind him. 

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Regent Agatha worked her way steadily through the business of the day, people, laws and treaties that needed her attention. All these important things that couldn’t happen without her consent made her feel special and regal. Normally, Bertie sat behind her and muttered at her decisions, but today he was so quiet she thought he must be asleep. Agatha figured it was joy at his escape from Honoria, a wonderful girl that would have turned Bertie into the doormat he was born to be. Agatha had a few more prospects in mind, bright ambitious girls who were smart enough to not cross her. Looking up from the list of people she had just sent to gaols, Agatha realized the important stuff had dried up for the day and she was ready to formally dismiss the court. 

“If anyone else has business to present to this court this day, speak and be heard!” After she spoke these formal words, the assembled crowd would wait for her official dismissal, the words she would say if nobody spoke now. 

“I’ve got a bit of busy, aged relation.” 

Agatha snapped her head around to stare daggers at Bertie, but he didn’t seem to notice. Standing up from his chair several feet behind the throne, Bertie gave a whistle before jumping from the dais. The door to the hall opened and a tall man with slick, dark hair walked forward. He was nicely dressed, but his bearing was the proof of his dignity. Agatha’s stomach twisted in her, she didn’t know this man but hated the grin on Bertie’s face. The stranger stopped at Bertie’s right so they faced her, shoulder to shoulder. 

“Darling Aunt Agatha, in you reign as regent has the truth stone ever failed you?” 

“You know it hasn’t Bertie!” 

“I would request that you hand it to this man.” 

Anybody could ask for the magic stone if they wanted to prove the honesty of their words. A clear crystal, it would darken with lies and brighten with truths, but it was the middle ground that caused more debates than it solved. Truth was a subjective thing, and many people didn’t ask for the stone because it made them reveal more than they wanted, to explain the levels of light it emitted. 

Agatha couldn’t refuse once the request had been made, but Bertie’s request made her very nervous. She wore the jewel on a chain around her neck, hidden behind her formal dresses, which she pulled off to hand to the man beside Bertie. 

“Right ho. Reginald, tell us who you are and what you’re doing here.” 

Reggie swallowed heavily but his face was an emotionless mask when he spoke. “I am Reginald, formerly King Reginald the third of Jeev. It was my mistreatment of others that ultimately caused my kingdom to be absorbed by its neighbors. The King and Queen of Yaxley rode to assist me and found their deaths instead. I came to offer my services as compensation for your losses.” 

“Aunt A, do you accept all this as true?” 

“Yes, I’ve never seen the truth stone so continuously bright.” Agatha sounded calm but she was squirming on the inside, having no idea where Bertie was going with this. 

“Very good. As such, I would like to formally announce that I accept Reginald’s offer.” Agatha glanced at Reginald. He was hard to read, but Agatha felt he was as confused as she was. 

“What offer, Bertie?” Agatha had to ask, trying to hide her concern. With a knowing grin that was rather foreign on Bertie’s face, he pulled a large green book from under his left arm. Flipping it open to a book mark, he started to read out loud. 

“A subject who has grievously harmed a citizen of Yaxley and wishes to make recompense may be joined to the harmed citizen for life. Blah blah. When entered into voluntarily, both parties shall be equal partners until such time as their interests no longer converge, and the compensation marriage shall be dissolved.” Bertie snapped the book closed and turned a face splitting smile onto Reggie. “I accept your offer of compensation, Reginald and ask that you accept my offer of marriage, until such time as you no longer have the best interest of the kingdom at heart.” 

“Sir!” 

“Don’t sir him because this isn’t happening!” Agatha was on her feet now, trying to hold onto the crumbling remains of her plans. “Two men can’t get married, let alone try to run my kingdom together, you’ll be at each other’s throats in a month and at war in a year! Besides, there is not kingdom of Jeev anymore, so he doesn’t count as a royal!” 

“Aunt Agatha, let me help you with your misunderstandings.” Bertie’s voice was suddenly hard and cold, as if he was capable of staring down any army that dared get between him and Reggie. “None of the laws on marriage specify the genders of the parties involved; only succession laws do that. The laws of succession also declare the intended be of royal blood, not enthroned. And I’m not stupid enough to pick a fight with Reginald, mainly because he’s right most of the time!” 

“Madam, if I may, I should also like to point out that it is not your kingdom as you said a moment ago.” Reggie’s voice was calm, but clearly recriminating Agatha for her thoughtless choice of words. “By right of law and order of birth, Bertram will be king as soon as he is married.” 

“But you’re both men! The line of succession will end with you or be passed on to bastards!” 

“Ronnie’s kids are turning out rather nice, since they’re not around you that much.” Bertie replied with a small shrug.

“How dare you Bertie! I raised you, don’t forget.” 

“You didn’t raise me, my imaginary frog friend did. He’s gone now, because I have Reginald to help me, so that should make you happy!” Bertie grinned up at his Aunt, who could only stare at him in horror. With a shrug, Bertie put the green book on the dais. “His trousseau will be ready in six days, so you have until then to fight this. Or you could surprise me and move aside. I’ll take care of you because you’re family, but I won’t let you hurt people in your quest to be superior. Come on Reginald; let me show you this neat little pond we have.” 

“Very good, Sir.” Reggie bowed to Regent Agatha before turning smartly around and following Bertie out of the throne room. 

Wide eyed, slack jawed faces followed them as they left, people more stunned at Bertie’s display than the idea of having two kings. The rumor seemed to spread faster than they could walk, and the stunned silence followed them until they vanished into the wooded grove. When before the familiar pond, they only needed to see the new versions of each other. Reggie broke the silence. 

“Sir, as a matter of formality, I would like to accept your offer of marriage.” 

“Bet you wish you knew what I was planning before it happened though!” Bertie’s smile was attempting to split his face in half. 

“Very much so, Sir. Have you nothing more to say on my acceptance of your proposal? Perhaps a need for a declaration of my feelings?” 

“Oh, I’d love to hear all about how much you l. me but I never doubted your acceptance for a second.” 

“Might I ask why not, Sir?” 

“You were kissed by a princess and it didn’t break the spell. According to every tale of magic I’ve ever heard or read, that means you needed a kiss from your true love. I broke the spell, so you love me! Before I figured that out, I saw you walking away and I liked what I saw. You were my best friend and teacher and wisest advisor as a frog and I loved you then. The idea that I could do more than pat you on the head made me very happy. I love you so much Reggie, I had to find a way for us to be together!” 

“Sir, I love you as well, but you cannot have forgotten that I am responsible for the death of your parents.” 

“Like you told me, surviving is not proof of guilt. You were not allowed to live only so that you might suffer for your sins that much longer. Whatever your sins, you heartfelt repentance has caused them to be forgiven. Now you must live to preserve the memory of what you lost.” 

“I said all that, Sir?” 

“Over several years, that or something close. Point is, you’re the king of my heart, so I’m giving you the kingdom.” 

“Thank you Sir. With your forgiveness, I feel I might be able to forgive myself in time.” 

“Well there’s the happy ending I’ve been looking for!” 

“I endeavor to give satisfaction, Sir.” 

“Satisfaction, advice, kisses and maybe something more?” 

Reggie looked as if he was about reply, but instead leaned in to give his prince a proper kiss. It was even more magical then the first, decidedly longer and lead to a little spawning by the pond. 


End file.
